TELECONFERENCE: Why are Compassion and Understanding the Booby Prize in ASD/NT Relationships?
Of course compassion is an important value. Likewise I always say that knowledge is power, so I value cognitive understanding. But the problem with these two traits is that we NTs rely on them too much, and at the wrong time. Hang in there and read on, because this topic will help you move beyond your unsuccessful attempts to negotiate an emotional moment with your “Aspie.”
First of all, your compassion is not received, nor reciprocated by your “Aspie.” While you might take a day off work to hang out with your “Aspie,” when they have a wisdom tooth pulled, do they offer to hang out with you when you are scheduled for a breast lumpectomy? Do they even ask if you’d like them to accompany you for the procedure? Nope.
Second, your “Aspie” has no need of your expressed understanding of what they are going through. We offer a knowing look or a verbal expression of understanding to others, so that they know we get them (i.e. empathy). But when we offer these understanding and bonding moments to our “Aspie,” they frequently give us a blank look. “No,” they say, “that is not how I feel.” Of course they frequently don’t know how they feel, nor do they understand that we are trying to create a loving connection.
Please come to this teleconference to learn more about this confounding difference. Learn to stop accepting the booby prize in your relationship. Once registered for this call you will reminder emails but it is important to check out the instructions for Teleconferences here.