BOOKS

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All of Dr. Marshack’s Books are available at Amazon.com.

Introducing Ground Breaking Tools for NeuroDivergent Relationships

Enter a roomful of people and, if you have Empathy, you unconsciously gauge who has—or doesn’t have—Empathy. How is it that you can do so, but those without Empathy cannot? To answer this question, Dr. Marshack leads her readers on a profound journey into the intrinsic nature of Empathy. She addresses many of the troubling communication conundrums that plague relationships between the NeuroTypical (NT) and the NeuroDiverse (ND). (“NeuroDiverse” (ND), describes the unique workings of a brain that is different from those with typical neurological development or functioning; hence, the second descriptive term, “NeuroTypical” (NT). (A relationship between a person who is NeuroDiverse and another who is NeuroTypical is considered “NeuroDivergent.”)

A well-established psychologist and prolific writer on Empathy and Empathy Dysfunction (EmD), Dr. Marshack confronts the myths about Empathy head-on and clearly demonstrates how Empathy is indeed more than words. She introduces her newest discovery, “Radiant Empathy.” The epitome of Empathy, Radiant Empathy goes well beyond having an empathic understanding of another individual. It is the willingness to forgive yourself and others while commanding the courage and wisdom to stand up for those who are suffering, perhaps from PTSD episodes triggered by new trauma. Forgiveness, emphasizes Dr. Marshack, is fundamental to Radiant Empathy.

A stand-out example of Radiant Empathy, says the author, can be seen in a poignant photo taken 11 days into the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine. It depicts a line of empty strollers and prams, collected by Polish mothers, and left waiting at a Poland train station for the Ukrainian mothers who would soon arrive with next to nothing. This telling photo of steadfast Radiant Empathy appeared in media around the world.

This latest in Dr. Marshack’s series of books focuses on helping NeuroTypical and NeuroDiverse individuals develop effective solutions that create understanding. Intended to aid those in relationship with “Aspies” and others with Empathy Dysfunction, several “out-of-the-box” tools unfold. These include the “Empathy Triad,” which represents the relationship of Empathy to Context and Conversation and the “7-Step Interface Protocol,” which can bridge the psychological divide between the NeuroTypical and the NeuroDiverse.

Many a NeuroDivergent couple has sought out Dr. Marshack for relationship help. Using the aids discussed in this book, they have succeeded in reclaiming the love lost in the chaos of NeuroDivergence. Lift the lid to this toolchest, and you, too, can help your relationship evolve to a saner, more companionable state.

Curious readers will discover how a grizzly bear, pirates, software development, Pepto Bismol, confetti, the witches of Oz, Monica Lewinsky, Malala Yousafzai, and Autistic comedienne Hannah Gadsby factor into the author’s fascinating discoveries about Empathy.

How to Stop Those Hell-Bent on Destroying You

Just plain mean.

That’s how many would see it if: their best friend swindled them; a cyberbully harassed them; a loved one squandered their gift; a neighbor filed complaints about their fabricated wrongdoings; they were party to a property line dispute; or they befriended a smart, good-looking, but somehow shifty, stranger who inched into their life and hijacked it.

If any of this sounds familiar, “Beware,” advises the author, Dr. Kathy Marshack. “These ‘innocents’ may be more than liars or cheats. They may be narcissists, even sociopaths, who are living with Empathy Dysfunction (EmD), which puts NeuroTypicals in harm’s way.” (“NeuroDiverse” (ND), describes the unique workings of a brain that is different from those with typical neurological development or functioning; hence, the second descriptive term, “NeuroTypical” (NT). (A relationship between a person who is NeuroDiverse and another who is NeuroTypical is considered “NeuroDivergent.”)

When Empathy Dysfunction is afoot, it means Empathy has failed. To demystify the puzzling—often maddening—world of EmD, Dr. Marshack invented the Empathy Dysfunction Scale. It helps identify the severity of EmD, ranging from EmD-0 (having zero degrees of Empathy but not intending harm) to EmD-5 (epitomizing Empathy).

When Empathy Fails,” the latest from this well-established psychologist and prolific writer on Empathy and Empathy Dysfunction, is a far cry from the dry psychological treatise expected when discussing Autism, “Asperger Syndrome”, addiction, or Traumatic Brain Injury. It is a hair-raising memoir filled with lesson plans and warnings about EmD clues that should not be ignored. For those who have been harmed by people with EmD, the author suggests that increasing your own Empathy quotient is a path to recovery.

Dr. Marshack’s words and experiences provide a cautionary tale that demonstrates how assuming the best about others (something most Americans are taught) can take a life sideways, then turn it upside down. She shares and documents how Empathy Dysfunction in her family and community nearly destroyed her personal and professional life.

“This book,” said Edward Snook, publisher of the ‘US~Observer,’ “is an imperative read for [crime] victims, law enforcement personnel, and those working in the legal system.” On Snook’s watch, the newspaper published several in-depth investigative articles about the critical damage that vigilante justice and wrongful prosecution wrought on Dr. Marshack and her family.

An important and groundbreaking book, “When Empathy Fails” should become a dog-eared reference for anyone living in the shadow of Empathy Dysfunction.

Life With a Partner or Spouse With Asperger Syndrome

“Like little shocks of static electricity. That’s how it feels,” says one NeuroTypical (NT), “when I’m facing one of my ASD [(Autism Spectrum Disorder)] husband’s moments of irrational thinking.” Author Dr. Kathy Marshack, a well-established psychologist and prolific writer on Empathy, NeuroDiversity (ND), and NeuroDivergent relationships between NDs and NeuroTypicals (NT), explains that ASD is a form of “NeuroDiversity” (ND). The term, “NeuroDiverse,” describes the unique workings of a brain that is different from those with typical neurological development or functioning; hence, the second descriptive term, “NeuroTypical.”)

Dr. Marshack explains, “Theirs is a unique kind of mixed marriage because the NT and the ND have very different operating systems. They can’t run each other’s software, so they require a bridge, or an interface protocol, to use a computer science term.” This book explains how NeuroDivergent couples can become accomplished bridge builders. “For instance,” says the author, “when the ND learns how his blank stare hurts his NT wife, and the NT practices not bursting into tears when she sees that stare, there can be a genuinely effective discussion.”

Designing that span, explains Dr. Marshack, begins with accepting that “Asperger Syndrome” is not a disease but a type of inborn brain organization different from that of a NeuroTypical. She emphasizes that it’s also essential to detach from the idea of a perfect soulmate.

“The NT,” points out the author, “must keep in mind that the ND has mind-blindness, the inability to anticipate others’ reactions or pick up on cues.” The NT must be willing to stop doing some things, and the ND must learn to do certain things.

She continues, saying, “For instance, communication can improve if the NT practices using exact words and getting right to the point without a lot of explanation. (One of my ND clients refers to this as ‘confetti.’). And, if the ND remembers the NT wants to hear things like, ‘I love you,’ from time to time—not just once, during their wedding vows.” Both must acknowledge and appreciate the positive things their partner brings to the relationship, stresses Dr. Marshack.

The author even touches on those private pillow talk moments and offers tips to keep the romance between an NT and an ND from going awry.

Perhaps most important, advises Dr. Marshack, is to make the universal and timeless “Serenity Prayer” your mantra.

“God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the
things I can, and the Wisdom
to know the difference.”

Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)

Maddening, frightening, and unpredictable describe the life of a family when a member(s) has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The NeuroTypical’s (NT) Empathy and the “Aspies’” lack of Empathy are at the crux of this chaos, advises author Dr. Kathy Marshack, a well-established psychologist and prolific writer on Empathy, NeuroDiversity (ND), and NeuroDivergent relationships between NDs and NeuroTypicals (NT). (ASD is a form of “NeuroDiversity” (ND). The term, “NeuroDiverse,” describes the unique workings of a brain that is different from those with typical neurological development or functioning; hence, the second descriptive term, “NeuroTypical.”) An NT/ASD relationship mirrors dance partners who unintentionally step on each other’s toes. With instruction, the rhythm of their dance can shift.

Dr. Marshack provides dozens of proven tips and tools that help achieve smoother footwork. She unmasks her firsthand experiences living with an ASD spouse, an ASD daughter, and an NT daughter to explain how understanding the relationship between a Context Sensitive NT and a Context Blind “Aspie” can move a family forward.

Essential lessons are shared as she examines the dichotomy of Empathy and the lack of Empathy. Since Empathy is not wired into the brain of someone with ASD, they are left feeling confused by things such as irony, pretense, metaphor, and white lies in family and social situations. “Aspies” are unable to simultaneously know their feelings and sense another’s; hence, can’t know or see what to do or say next. Frustrating NTs, “Aspies” live in the moment: If something is not forefront in their mind, it is essentially out of their sight. Their failure to recognize the importance of a smile, a hug, or a word of encouragement can generate a mountain of pain and loneliness for the NT.

“When an NT father is parenting children with an ASD wife,” explains the author, “he faces a special challenge. If she has difficulty in the typically revered and nurturing role of a mother, the dad must acknowledge feeling like the odd man out, then move forward. His path can be easier if he learns the importance of breaking down explanations for his ND and curbing his own expectations.”

Children of an ASD/NT couple are sometimes referred to as “Hapa ‘Aspie’.” (“Hapa” is the Hawaiian word for “half.”) They may inherit or learn the traits of both parents. The author points to how these offspring may grow up feeling invisible, minimized, ignored, and unloved. “An NT/ASD couple,” emphasizes Dr. Marshack, “must take immense care to reinforce a child’s self-esteem while teaching them to love and be loved.” She suggests that sharing art projects, psychotherapy, and even Disney movies can be fruitful as parenting aids to address this profound, but not easy, challenge.

Advocating the shedding of preconceived notions about Autism Spectrum Disorder, this book will open eyes and hearts to the vision that an NT/ASD family’s roller-coaster ride—when slowed to take curves and jolts easier—can lead to positive transformation in relationships.

Everything You Need to Survive a Neuro-Divergent Life

“Bad-ass” is how clients and colleagues refer to Dr. Kathy Marshack. She investigates in-depth, then explains the nature of relationships between people who have Asperger Syndrome and are on the Autism Spectrum and those who are not. She doesn’t hold back!

Her casual writing style both engages and informs readers. The author begins the book with an explanation of unfamiliar “Aspergian” nomenclature, such as “NeuroTypical” (NT) and “Empathy Dysfunction” (EmD), a term coined by Dr. Marshack. (The term, “NeuroDiverse” (ND) describes the unique workings of a brain that is different from those with typical neurological development or functioning; hence, the second descriptive term, “NeuroTypical.” A relationship between a person who is NeuroDiverse and another who is NeuroTypical is considered “NeuroDivergent.”)

The author, a well-established psychologist and prolific writer on NeuroDivergence, explains that Empathy is more than being sensitive: It is the ability to hold on to your thoughts and feelings while acknowledging the thoughts and feelings of another person. “Aspies,” the author adds, struggle to integrate these parts. This leaves them unable to relate to cues, conversation pauses, ambiguity, metaphors, innuendo, or rambling. This behavior, emphasizes Dr. Marshack, is not their fault. It is why Autistics face challenges with interpersonal communication. She counsels clients and readers to use a workaround she refers to as their personal Rules of Engagement.

‘Asperger Syndrome’ & Relationships: Everything You Need to Survive a NeuroDivergent Life” is fashioned for readers to pick and choose which parts to read first, then return to for reassurance when experiencing things such as the silent treatment, PTSD, or Ongoing Relationship Disorder Syndrome (OTRD).

The author drew on a decade’s worth of blogs about her personal experience and more than 35 years as a professional psychologist to craft this book. It helps readers — perhaps for the first time — get answers to the mysteries of life with an adult on the Autism Spectrum. Upholding the book’s significance are her blog readers’ comments included at the end of each chapter.

Making it work at work and at home

Caught in the squeeze of trying to maintain two careers in today’s tough corporate climate, more and more couples are giving up their jobs in order to start their own businesses.

Whether they work together in a business or are each owners of a separate enterprise, these entrepreneurial couples face a daunting task–balancing the competing demands of love and work. “The couple bond is a significant element in the success of entrepreneurial businesses,” says psychologist and business consultant Kathy Marshack in Entrepreneurial Couples. “Not only do these partners negotiate with each other for love, sex, status, and support, but they also depend on the relationship for their own self-definition.”

Dr. Marshack contributed to this collection of 60 sixty essays with, “Go Directly to Jail.” Find out how humility and an unwelcome event can change everything.

Thanks to the generosity of the contributing authors, all of whom provided essays on a pro-bono basis, the royalties generated from the sale of this book will be donated to non-profit organizations dedicated to preventing and curing cancer.