VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist
I’ll be honest with you, our High Functioning “Aspies” can develop into full blown Narcissists. There’s very little you can do at this point because they have learned to win consistently with unconscionable behavior. So the goal of this conference is to get clear on what type you are dealing with, “Aspie” or “Aspie/Narcissist.” Then hopefully we can also talk about what do about it.
One of my ASD clients, who leans NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) asked me disgustedly, “Why do I always have to win?” He realized that his need to win at all costs had driven his wife away. He was in tears and writhing on my couch when he asked this question.
This seems like an awakening doesn’t it? However, in the next breath, he called her foul names and complained that “. . .she didn’t have to leave to prove a point.”
The narcissist does know what they are doing. They can recognize that it may cause them pain (in this case losing his wife). But inevitably, their personal suffering outweighs the interpersonal gain of problem solving with their loved one. With EmD-0 our “Aspies” with narcissism, will focus on how to change you so that they feel better. They will not work toward a win-win solution that relieves both of you.
Even if your ASD loved one is workable and wants to play fair, their self-absorption makes them consider narcissistic solutions first. It is important to stand firm against this conduct, no matter how insignificant the “hit” might be. Several micro-hits are as aggressive and damaging is one swift blow.
I debated a long time about bringing up this topic because it angers many people. “Aspies” for one. But it also angers those NTs who want to protect their ASD loved ones from criticism. I get it, but how do you change a destructive behavior if you don’t identify it? And who is there to speak for the victims of narcissistic abuse? So let’s have a discussion that gets to the bottom of this horrible topic and find our inner strength to do the right thing.
Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption. I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.