In this episode, Dr. Marshack dives into a raw and often unnamed aspect of Survivor’s Guilt: the difference between providing physical safety and creating a felt sense of safety for those we love.
Through the story of her dog, Kokomo, and her friend Janine, Dr. Marshack reflects on her own years “under fire,” spending over half a million dollars in legal fees and 12 years in court to protect her children. She addresses the heartbreaking reality that while she was their fierce protector, her nervous system was too overtaxed to be their “soft” mother.
This is a must-listen for any parent in a NeuroDivergent family system who has felt the sting of being called “different” because they had to be a warrior. Learn how to offer yourself compassion for what you couldn’t give while in survival mode and how to begin rebuilding the felt sense of safety today.
Want to skip ahead? Episode Highlights
[01:36] The story of Kokomo: Understanding the difference between safety and the felt sense of safety.
[02:27] Meeting Janine: Recognizing the friend who provides a safe harbor when you cannot.
[03:08] The 12-year battle: $550,000 in legal fees and the toll of relentless protection.
[03:50] The Warrior Mother: Why survival mode leaves no room for daily hugs, kisses, and laughter.
[04:55] Pure Survivor Guilt: Knowing you protected them, but couldn’t be “sweet.”
[05:29] The Sanctuary by the Ocean: Learning to see the protector with compassion.
[05:50] After Party Invitation: How to recognize the “Janine” people in your life.
Future of Healing: Dr. Kathy is developing two innovative video games: Radiant Empathy: A Journey of Heartbreak and Healing and The University of NeuroDiversity: Radiant Empathy Campus.
Check out Dr. Kathy’s latest book, “Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome (ASD): Going over the Edge? Anniversary Edition”
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